Aaron

[alcuin]

This past week had been rough for Alcuin just in terms of his jumble of emotions and all the big decisions he felt like he was making. He'd reconciled with Hannibal and things had done so well... even the way Hannibal had handled the situation with Nyx had been so respectful and suggested a real shift in their relationship. Maybe things were back to good with them? Though at the same time, Alcuin was interviewing for a job at WSS and hadn't said a word to Hannibal about it. And he also kept thinking about Aaron.

He couldn't do this for much longer, caught in this utter indecisiveness. He also continued to feel so guilty thinking about Aaron, and how he must be stringing him along. Aaron deserved to be free of him. Maybe he and Kersen could ride off into the sunset together. Well. After sunset.

So when he asked Aaron if he could come over, he did so with the intention of breaking things off with him. Setting him free. He knocked on the door.

Comments

[quitollis]

"... oh."

Perhaps Aaron should have realised. As Kersen had said, Hannibal loved Alcuin.

He was probably wrong to have interfered at all.

He was probably wrong, but still mistrusted Lecter.

[alcuin]

"I wasn't expecting it to be so hard," Alcuin said quietly.

He should have just texted him.

[quitollis]

He didn't want Alcuin to feel bad. He truly just wanted him to be happy. Even if he still thought Lecter would only hurt him. So...

"I understand." he said, reluctantly.

[alcuin]

"Of course you do," Alcuin sighed. Then added miserably, "I'm just trying not to be selfish. I will only hurt you. You don't deserve that."

[quitollis]

"I'd be less hurt if you stayed," Aaron slipped out. "Sorry, didn't mean to say that. I just... really like having you in my life."

[alcuin]

Alcuin ran a hand through his hair. "Even if I'm still with Hannibal? Even knowing I love him?"

[quitollis]

Alright, yes, that hurt to hear. "It's okay if you don't want to be here. If you're certain about Hannibal..."

[alcuin]

Alcuin had been looking down at his hands, and he forced himself to look up at him. "Do you think you can have feelings for more than one person?"

[quitollis]

Aaron knew he was talking of Hannibal, but he thought of Kersen. "Yes, I think so," he admitted, because it was the truth when he thought of Kersen and Alcuin.

[alcuin]

“So you see, it’s not that I don’t want to be here.”

[quitollis]

"Does Hannibal not approve?" Aaron asked then.

[alcuin]

"Of you?" Alcuin blinked at him. "Of course he doesn't. He doesn't know I'm here."

[quitollis]

"Of other people in your life," Aaron clarified. "It doesn't matter," he waved away. "And, of course you should do what you think is right. But..." He couldn't find the words. "I'll miss you." A god-awful lot.

[alcuin]

"Of course you're being respectful," Alcuin said quietly.

[quitollis]

"What?" Aaron asked, confused. "I'm trying to make you feel less... bad."

[alcuin]

“I know, it’s just… part of what I like about you. You would never push me.”

[quitollis]

Aaron smiled gently. "No one should." Least of all that damned pimp.

[alcuin]

Alcuin looked down. "Hannibal has been... he's really trying, I think. Giving me space. Not pushing. But you... you deserve better than this. You could forget me and ride into the sunset with Kersen. Well. After sunset."

[quitollis]

That sort of talk only made Aaron feel more for the young man. "It's you who deserves better."

He ignored for the moment that Alcuin clearly had read something in his mind about Kersen to make him so sure that he would 'ride off' with him. And... that he couldn't deny that.

He'd fallen for Alcuin quickly, but he was realizing he was falling for Kersen too, if more slowly.

He stopped his own trail of thought. This wasn't about him. "If you want to stop coming here, then... I'll understand. But don't do it for me. I can make my decisions, and you can make yours." And he could only hope that decision was not to cut him off completely.

[alcuin]

Alcuin could indeed hear Aaron's feelings for Kersen.

He was just blunt about it. "I know you have real feelings for him," he said. "And he seems so lovely, truly. Handsome and kind." Especially for a vampire, kinder than Hannibal. But there was still something about him that reminded Alcuin of some of the better parts of Hannibal, a sort of wisdom that came from so many years of experience.

"I know you're capable of making your own decisions, I just don't want to be responsible for holding you back."

[quitollis]

"Noted," Aaron said and wondered if he should just give up. He truly didn't want to. "You're not holding me back."

[alcuin]

Alcuin looked down at the charm on his wrist.

"There's one more thing," he said quietly. "I don't know if... I mean, I think that Hannibal wouldn't go against my wishes that you're not to be harmed, but if um, if he finds out I've been lying to him about you, I don't know if that would necessarily remain the case..."

[quitollis]

"... you really don't want to stay, do you?" Aaron said, reluctantly.

[alcuin]

"No, I do, that's the problem!" Alcuin groaned.

[quitollis]

God, he wanted to get up and kiss him, to rid him of the thoughts he was having. But that would be terribly unfair of him. "I'm not going to tell you to leave. I'm sorry if that doesn't make things easier for you."