Aaron

[alcuin]

This past week had been rough for Alcuin just in terms of his jumble of emotions and all the big decisions he felt like he was making. He'd reconciled with Hannibal and things had done so well... even the way Hannibal had handled the situation with Nyx had been so respectful and suggested a real shift in their relationship. Maybe things were back to good with them? Though at the same time, Alcuin was interviewing for a job at WSS and hadn't said a word to Hannibal about it. And he also kept thinking about Aaron.

He couldn't do this for much longer, caught in this utter indecisiveness. He also continued to feel so guilty thinking about Aaron, and how he must be stringing him along. Aaron deserved to be free of him. Maybe he and Kersen could ride off into the sunset together. Well. After sunset.

So when he asked Aaron if he could come over, he did so with the intention of breaking things off with him. Setting him free. He knocked on the door.

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[quitollis]

Lost in time, Aaron looked up at the time when there was a knocked at the door. He'd been getting some work done on the church benches; sanding, polishing. He'd meant to shower before Alcuin came, but had forgotten thd time.

He opened the door, sweaty, wearing a dirty torn shirt and similarly dirty old jeans.

"Alcuin," he said, smiling. "Sorry, forgot the time. Come in, come in."

[alcuin]

Oh, he... looked good like that. Alcuin found himself trying to imagine Hannibal like this and literally couldn't. He pushed the thought away.

"No worries at all," he said, and went inside. "How are you?"

[quitollis]

"I'm good," Aaron said, working with his hands always improved his mood. "Glad to see you, actually. You er... were on my mind."

[alcuin]

"You've been on mine as well," said Alcuin. "And it's nice to see you in good spirits." Because he was potentially about to make them worse.

[quitollis]

Aaron smiled. "I'll put the kettle on."

Oh, and he had something for Alcuin. He could give it now. "Wash my hands, then put the kettle on," he corrected.

[alcuin]

Guilt slammed into Alcuin. Aaron was so sweet.

Or maybe it wasn't just that guilt. Maybe it was also the knowledge that Alcuin still wanted him. Which was a totally different kind of guilt.

"Lovely, thank you," he said, and then lingered for a moment, then sat down. Feeling quite awkward.

[quitollis]

Aaron washed up a bit, face and hands, then came back to put the kettle on, but not before grabbing something from a drawer. Then he put the kettle on and came back to the table. "I er... I made you something. It's a bit silly, but I was working on an ornament for the altar and a piece chipped off. Seemed a shame to waste it."

He passed a cloth to Alcuin. Inside he would find a leather braided bracelet with a wooden ornament on it; a few delicate leaves and a flower. It was clear Aaron had spent quite some time on it, to get it as delicate and thin as he had.

He was quite proud of it, actually.

[alcuin]

Alcuin took it from him and turned it over in his hands, his eyes a little wide. “You made this for me? It’s… beautiful.”

[quitollis]

"Yes," Aaron smiled, relieved he liked it. "It's just something that made me think of you." Beautiful.

[alcuin]

Hannibal had gifted Alcuin many pieces of expensive jewelry over the years. The one that he wore consistently because he just didn’t take it odd was a delicate white gold bracelet with small sapphires dotted through it, on the opposite wrist of his watch. Now, he slipped Aaron’s bracelet on top of it, and regarded his wrist.

More guilt.

“You’re very talented,” he said quietly. “I’m touched.”

[quitollis]

Aaron had told himself to not repeat the words of love to Alcuin, because he didn't want to make things worse. But they were on his mind, quite presently so.

"I'm glad you like it. But... that's not why you asked to come, I'm sure."

[alcuin]

Alcuin was still looking at his wrists, the sapphires peeking out behind the wood.

“I was going to break things off with you,” he blurted.

[quitollis]

"... oh."

Perhaps Aaron should have realised. As Kersen had said, Hannibal loved Alcuin.

He was probably wrong to have interfered at all.

He was probably wrong, but still mistrusted Lecter.

[alcuin]

"I wasn't expecting it to be so hard," Alcuin said quietly.

He should have just texted him.

[quitollis]

He didn't want Alcuin to feel bad. He truly just wanted him to be happy. Even if he still thought Lecter would only hurt him. So...

"I understand." he said, reluctantly.

[alcuin]

"Of course you do," Alcuin sighed. Then added miserably, "I'm just trying not to be selfish. I will only hurt you. You don't deserve that."

[quitollis]

"I'd be less hurt if you stayed," Aaron slipped out. "Sorry, didn't mean to say that. I just... really like having you in my life."

[alcuin]

Alcuin ran a hand through his hair. "Even if I'm still with Hannibal? Even knowing I love him?"

[quitollis]

Alright, yes, that hurt to hear. "It's okay if you don't want to be here. If you're certain about Hannibal..."

[alcuin]

Alcuin had been looking down at his hands, and he forced himself to look up at him. "Do you think you can have feelings for more than one person?"

[quitollis]

Aaron knew he was talking of Hannibal, but he thought of Kersen. "Yes, I think so," he admitted, because it was the truth when he thought of Kersen and Alcuin.

[alcuin]

“So you see, it’s not that I don’t want to be here.”

[quitollis]

"Does Hannibal not approve?" Aaron asked then.

[alcuin]

"Of you?" Alcuin blinked at him. "Of course he doesn't. He doesn't know I'm here."

[quitollis]

"Of other people in your life," Aaron clarified. "It doesn't matter," he waved away. "And, of course you should do what you think is right. But..." He couldn't find the words. "I'll miss you." A god-awful lot.