Aaron

[alcuin]

Alcuin left the WSS building in a daze. His vision even seemed a little blurry.

He started walking, quickly, not even sure where he was going, and then realized it was in the direction of home - and he stopped in his tracks. He couldn't. What would he say? What would he... oh, god.

He walked a bit farther, until he got to a bench, and sat down on it, dropping his head down between his knees. His heart was pounding out of his chest. He realized he was probably having a panic attack.

He shouldn't. He really shouldn't. But...

With shaking hands, he got his phone out of his coat and sent a text to Aaron: I need you, can you come get me? Please. And then shared his location from google maps.

As soon as he sent the text he felt even more panicked. Why had he done that?

Comments

[alcuin]

Alcuin finally managed to calm himself enough to say breathlessly, “If I’m right, do you really think I’d be safe anywhere?”

[quitollis]

"Let me help you," Aaron said. Kill him, he meant.

[alcuin]

“No!” Alcuin grabbed his arm. “I can’t risk him hurting you. I’d never forgive myself.”

[quitollis]

"Then what?" Aaron asked. "You can't possibly..." Want to go back. Love him. Forgive him.

[alcuin]

“I don’t know,” Alcuin mumbled. Though then after a second he looked up and said, “No, I think I want to destroy him.”

[quitollis]

The darkness in his voice might have taken him aback had it not been for the fact that he quite wanted to kill Hannibal himself.

So, he nodded. "I'll help in any way you need me yo."

[alcuin]

Alcuin nodded, but didn’t seem like the offer made him feel any better.

“I feel so stupid.”

And at this moment truly all he wanted was to curl up into a ball and… die. Not literally. But close to.

[quitollis]

"This isn't your fault," Aaron assured him. "He did everything in his power, I think, to keep you under his thumb."

[alcuin]

“That doesn’t help,” Alcuin said softly, dropping his head. “How did you feel when you found out I’d only been manipulating you? Take that and multiply it by… a very large number.”

[quitollis]

Aaron nodded, though Alcuin couldn't see. "I know... it's dreadful. I'm just... I'm glad the veils fallen. Though the Howard why is... horrible."

[alcuin]

"I know this sounds crazy," Alcuin said quietly, and forced himself to look up, "But I actually... I do think he loves me." Did that sound pathetic? Wishful thinking? But somehow, deep down every intuition he had told him it was true, despite everything.

[quitollis]

"That's not love," Aaron replied quietly. He was sure. How could that be love?

[alcuin]

Alcuin winced slightly.

Was Aaron right? Was he nothing to Hannibal but... a meal? It couldn't be. It couldn't. He felt his heart beating faster again as it felt like his entire life was flashing before his eyes. Well. His entire life that he remembered... which was all Hannibal.

[quitollis]

"I'm sorry," Aaron said, sympathetically. But he couldn't and wouldn't lie about what he thought.

He would also usually advise to turn the other cheek. But not for this vampire.

"There is good in knowing the truth. Maybe not today, but... it is better in the long run."

[alcuin]

"I was happy before," Alcuin said softly. "Maybe it would be better if I'd never started... questioning."

[quitollis]

"Ignorance can seem like bliss," Aaron agreed, gently. He wanted nothing rather than kiss those tears away. But... that wasn't his place, or in any way appropriate.

[alcuin]

Alcuin's lower lip trembled slightly.

"I think it all started because of you." He didn't seem upset about this, it was just a fact.

[quitollis]

Aaron did feel a pang of guilt. "We both changed each other, then."

[alcuin]

Alcuin swallowed hard, and leaned his head onto Aaron's shoulder.

[quitollis]

Aaron held him again. "I know you must feel terrible, but... please know that I am happier for having been in your life. And everything that happened, no matter how dreadful, did make you the man you are. I know that won't help now, but... maybe some day."

[alcuin]

"Part of me wishes I could just go back," Alcuin confessed, forcing himself to relax a little in Aaron's embrace. "To the ignorant bliss."

[quitollis]

Aaron couldn't help it and kissed the top of Alcuin's head. He was sorry for Alcuin, but not sorry that he leaned of it.

"You can stay here as long as you like. As long as you need."

[alcuin]

Alcuin lifted his head. "That's not a good idea," he said, shaking his head. "I need to plan. I need to think. That means time. I can't... make him suspicious."

[quitollis]

"You're going back?" Aaron asked, shocked.

[alcuin]

Alcuin sighed. "What do you think I should do? How long do you think until he notices I'm gone and here is the very first place he checks?"