Aaron

[alcuin]

Alcuin left the WSS building in a daze. His vision even seemed a little blurry.

He started walking, quickly, not even sure where he was going, and then realized it was in the direction of home - and he stopped in his tracks. He couldn't. What would he say? What would he... oh, god.

He walked a bit farther, until he got to a bench, and sat down on it, dropping his head down between his knees. His heart was pounding out of his chest. He realized he was probably having a panic attack.

He shouldn't. He really shouldn't. But...

With shaking hands, he got his phone out of his coat and sent a text to Aaron: I need you, can you come get me? Please. And then shared his location from google maps.

As soon as he sent the text he felt even more panicked. Why had he done that?

Comments

[quitollis]

"It's stupid, isn't it?" Aaron said, repeating the earlier words.

[alcuin]

“That you love him?” Alcuin said gently. “No, it’s not stupid. I’m also not offended, just to be clear. I’m glad, actually. I think he’s very worthy of love, and so are you.”

[quitollis]

"Hasn't diminished how I feel about you," Aaron said. "Which seems unfair to everyone, really."

[alcuin]

Alcuin hesitated, and then said, "Look, just to be clear, even... hypothetically, if there was some future where you and I could be together in a way that might look... normal, I wouldn't ask you to give him up. I don't know how he feels about such things, of course."

Though if he had to be completely honest with himself, a world without Hannibal and where Aaron chose Kersen over him was rather scary.

[quitollis]

"I don't think he feels the same," Aaron replied. He wasn't sad, it was just a fact.

[alcuin]

"I think he's exceptionally fond of you," said Alcuin. "Beyond that... perhaps, I'm not sure. But one can also imagine why he might want to hold himself back from caring too much."

[quitollis]

"Of course, of course," Aaron replied. "Realistically, I'm an idiot for any of it. I'm not supposed to have any relationship."

[alcuin]

"Do you want one?" Alcuin asked, because he realized that he genuinely wasn't sure. "I don't see how you could fall in love and still think that this is all just sex..."

[quitollis]

"If I could, I think yes, I would," Aaron replied. "I think I'd like to try it, at least. Would be nice, to have someone to come home to."

[alcuin]

"I... don't know what it will be like not to come home to Hannibal," Alcuin said quietly after a moment. "It's all I've ever known."

[quitollis]

Aaron understood and squeezed his arm sympathetically. "Don't worry about that right now. Take that hurdle when you come to it."

[alcuin]

"I actually think... perhaps I'd like to not think about it right now at all," Alcuin said, almost pleading. "Just for tonight, would it be okay if I get astoundingly drunk?"

[quitollis]

Aaron felt a bit uncomfortable being asked that. The answer was 'no', of course. It wouldn't be wide. But it was not for him to make that decision for Alcuin. "If you don't want to raise suspicion with Hannibal, then I'm not sure it's wise to get drunk. But... it's up to you."

[alcuin]

“…right, you’re right,” Alcuin said, looking down. “Because I’m… going to have to do home tonight. If I don’t want him to know.”

[quitollis]

"You know you're welcome to stay here," Aaron said, quietly.

"Do you want me to call Kersen? Maybe he can help distract Hannibal tonight?"

[alcuin]

"I should explain the situation to him first," Alcuin said, rubbing the back of his neck. "He needs to choose if he believes it, and if he wants to help."

[quitollis]

"We can invite him over," Aaron suggested. He wasn't keen on letting Alcuin go, just in case he did get drunk.

[alcuin]

"If... you think that would be okay," said Alcuin after a moment. Plus then Aaron wouldn't be alone after he left.

[quitollis]

"If you don't mind my presence, then I think it's a good idea. I'll call on him," Aaron said.

"Get some wine, if you like." Not drunk, but a drink would be okay.

[alcuin]

Alcuin nodded, and stood. "Just the one bottle," he said. "To share."

[quitollis]

Aaron nodded. He got up to call Kersen privately and explained Alcuin was there and they needed help, would he please come. He promised they were not in imminent danger and that Alcuin would explain everything.

"He's on his way," he said when he came back.