Aaron

[alcuin]

Alcuin left the WSS building in a daze. His vision even seemed a little blurry.

He started walking, quickly, not even sure where he was going, and then realized it was in the direction of home - and he stopped in his tracks. He couldn't. What would he say? What would he... oh, god.

He walked a bit farther, until he got to a bench, and sat down on it, dropping his head down between his knees. His heart was pounding out of his chest. He realized he was probably having a panic attack.

He shouldn't. He really shouldn't. But...

With shaking hands, he got his phone out of his coat and sent a text to Aaron: I need you, can you come get me? Please. And then shared his location from google maps.

As soon as he sent the text he felt even more panicked. Why had he done that?

Comments

[alcuin]

"Of course," Alcuin said quickly. "And I know this is all upsetting for him as well. He and Hannibal were quite close."

[quitollis]

Aaron nodded. "But he's a good man and I'm sure, if he can, he'll help."

[alcuin]

Alcuin nodded, and looked down at his hands again.

"I feel awful I had to call you," he said quietly. "Drag you back into all this. It must seem like I'm playing with your emotions, even if it's not intentional. All this back and forth."

[quitollis]

"I don't mind," Aaron said. "At all. I'm glad you still trust me with this."

[alcuin]

"Well I frankly am appalled that you still trust me," Alcuin said with a wry little smile.

[quitollis]

Aaron chuckled a bit. "I think you know why that is," he said. Still love, it seemed, though he wouldn't say it aloud anymore.

[alcuin]

“Perhaps we’re both stupid,” Alcuin sighed.

[quitollis]

"Perhaps we are," Aaron echoed. "I'm afraid Kersen sees himself as second fiddle," he said suddenly.

[alcuin]

Alcuin looked a touch surprised just because the comment came out of nowhere but then said gently, “I suppose I can understand why he might feel that way.”

[quitollis]

"I understand it," Aaron admitted. "I don't feel it."

[alcuin]

Alcuin tilted his head. “Do you love him?”

[quitollis]

"It's stupid, isn't it?" Aaron said, repeating the earlier words.

[alcuin]

“That you love him?” Alcuin said gently. “No, it’s not stupid. I’m also not offended, just to be clear. I’m glad, actually. I think he’s very worthy of love, and so are you.”

[quitollis]

"Hasn't diminished how I feel about you," Aaron said. "Which seems unfair to everyone, really."

[alcuin]

Alcuin hesitated, and then said, "Look, just to be clear, even... hypothetically, if there was some future where you and I could be together in a way that might look... normal, I wouldn't ask you to give him up. I don't know how he feels about such things, of course."

Though if he had to be completely honest with himself, a world without Hannibal and where Aaron chose Kersen over him was rather scary.

[quitollis]

"I don't think he feels the same," Aaron replied. He wasn't sad, it was just a fact.

[alcuin]

"I think he's exceptionally fond of you," said Alcuin. "Beyond that... perhaps, I'm not sure. But one can also imagine why he might want to hold himself back from caring too much."

[quitollis]

"Of course, of course," Aaron replied. "Realistically, I'm an idiot for any of it. I'm not supposed to have any relationship."

[alcuin]

"Do you want one?" Alcuin asked, because he realized that he genuinely wasn't sure. "I don't see how you could fall in love and still think that this is all just sex..."

[quitollis]

"If I could, I think yes, I would," Aaron replied. "I think I'd like to try it, at least. Would be nice, to have someone to come home to."

[alcuin]

"I... don't know what it will be like not to come home to Hannibal," Alcuin said quietly after a moment. "It's all I've ever known."

[quitollis]

Aaron understood and squeezed his arm sympathetically. "Don't worry about that right now. Take that hurdle when you come to it."

[alcuin]

"I actually think... perhaps I'd like to not think about it right now at all," Alcuin said, almost pleading. "Just for tonight, would it be okay if I get astoundingly drunk?"

[quitollis]

Aaron felt a bit uncomfortable being asked that. The answer was 'no', of course. It wouldn't be wide. But it was not for him to make that decision for Alcuin. "If you don't want to raise suspicion with Hannibal, then I'm not sure it's wise to get drunk. But... it's up to you."

[alcuin]

“…right, you’re right,” Alcuin said, looking down. “Because I’m… going to have to do home tonight. If I don’t want him to know.”