Hex

[alcuin]

The day after his... encounter with Dillan Jacoby, Alcuin still felt... something. He wasn't even sure what he felt. Hannibal had helped, he really had. And ultimately Alcuin was glad he'd told him, even though he very much hadn't wanted to.

He just felt so many things. Violated, yes. And angry. But in all honesty the anger at himself was perhaps more profound than the anger at Jacoby.

Also somewhere in there was a sense of comfort and relief at what he truly did believe was Hannibal's unconditional love.

The jumble of emotions were enough though to make him want to be alone. So he went back out to the lake, and just sat there staring at the horizon, his feet in the water.

Comments

[just_hex]

"May I ask why you feel you should turn your hurt inward?" he asked.

Hex paused.

"Is the anger a sort of harm to replace what your D'Angeline blood craves?" he asked, knowing enough of Alcuin's kind to know to tread very lightly. Too many in the galaxy didn't understand what a gift love could be and violence.

[alcuin]

Alcuin went still again. "I... I don't entirely know," he admitted. "I just know that I wish I had acted differently. That I had been stronger. But I suppose perhapsI'm doing a bit of... self flagellation."

[just_hex]

"You are," Hex nodded.

"I wouldn't recommend it to everyone. Anyone, really, but if you and Dr. Lecter are...close...he could help you externalize. Rather than internalize," he suggested as subtly as he could.

[alcuin]

"Oh, I..." Alcuin looked a bit embarrassed. "I don't know if now is the time for that. I don't want to burden him further."

[just_hex]

"Burden him with...what? Exactly?" he asked, genuinely curious.

[alcuin]

"I just... when I feel like this I worry that my desires might go too far," Alcuin said quietly. "I don't think he wants to hurt me."

[just_hex]

"I think, given the opportunity to help you, Dr. Lecter wouldn't be...squeamish," he replied. "And I don't think he'd hurt your heart. If you ask me, I think he's rather fond of your heart, yeah?"

He offered Alcuin a kind smile then.

"I do truly try not to notice, but sometimes...it's unavoidable."

[alcuin]

“You can feel it?” Alcuin said. “Love? Between others? That… seems like quite a useful talent.”

[just_hex]

"Not really. For many, love is pain. Love is longing," he said. "I enjoy being around happy lovers. New love is always warm."

[alcuin]

“Hannibal and I are new love ,” Alcuin said after a moment. “Just… complicated.”