Hex

[alcuin]

The day after his... encounter with Dillan Jacoby, Alcuin still felt... something. He wasn't even sure what he felt. Hannibal had helped, he really had. And ultimately Alcuin was glad he'd told him, even though he very much hadn't wanted to.

He just felt so many things. Violated, yes. And angry. But in all honesty the anger at himself was perhaps more profound than the anger at Jacoby.

Also somewhere in there was a sense of comfort and relief at what he truly did believe was Hannibal's unconditional love.

The jumble of emotions were enough though to make him want to be alone. So he went back out to the lake, and just sat there staring at the horizon, his feet in the water.

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[just_hex]

The moment of peace was abruptly ruined as Hex surfaced about two meters out in front of Alcuin. He burst up, having pushed off the sandy bottom, and gasped as he broke the surface.

Water splashed everywhere.

And then he screamed sharply and punched the air as he found his footing.

"All the way! One go!" he shouted. "Yes!"

He was confident he was alone...and shrieked when he saw Alcuin.

[alcuin]

Alcuin too was very surprised, and he actually scrambled back a little on the bank. His heart was beating fast... and then he realized it was text, and took a deep breath, calming.

"Oh, ah... ah, hello, Hex," he managed, the burst of fear mingling with the previous scramble of emotions.

[just_hex]

"Fucking hell, man, what are you doing out here alone?" he asked, shocked and a bit embarrassed.

The water was cold, but his hands covered himself out of modesty. Certainly not because the water was very cold.

The water was,/i> cold, though, and Hex began to trudge ashore.

"You scared the soul out of me," he huffed.

[alcuin]

"Oh, um. Sorry." Alcuin cast his gaze away respectfully. Not that he hadn't seen Hex naked before.

[just_hex]

It wasn't until he was ashore and he shook violently to get the water off.

A moment later, Hex realized his mistake. The realization washed over his face in slow motion as he looked at himself, the pond, the point where he'd jumped in, and how far it was to walk back. Or swim back.

He began to shiver.

"Shit," he muttered.

[alcuin]

Alcuin got to his feet, and looked around, confused. He'd assumed that Hex had come in at this same point, closest to their camp. "Where are your clothes?"

[just_hex]

Hex lifted his arm and pointed to the opposite shore.

"Over there," he admitted.

Hex took a deep breath and sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry I startled you," he said then, looking over at Alcuin with a sweet, apologetic smile.

[alcuin]

"Oh dear," said Alcuin.

"Perhaps I could... go get you some clothes?" he offered. "It's not that far back from camp. Though you do look - very cold, could I - " And he pulled off his shirt and held it out to Hex.

[just_hex]

Hex took it, studied it a moment, then pulled it on to at least be a bit warmer. It clung to his body.

"Thanks," he smiled.

"I'll wash it up and give it back in a bit, yeah?" he said, then turned to see if there was a path that might take him back.

[alcuin]

"Sure," said Alcuin, his eyes sliding over him. The shirt was a bit long, so it almost covered his groin. Almost but not quite. "I really could go get you should clothes from the camp. That might be faster than walking completely around the lake."

[just_hex]

"How kind, but no. I interrupted your contemplation. Don't let me ruin your day even more," he protested.

[alcuin]

"I..." Alcuin hesitated. "I um, could probably use a break from my contemplation."

[just_hex]

Hex was so used to gleaning nothing from Nyx that sometimes he wasn't prepared for othe people's emotions. On the station he had meditated and practiced to keep things out.

He couldn't keep Alcuin's pain out, though.

"Would you like to talk?" he offered?

[alcuin]

Alcuin looked down. "Oh. Is it that obvious?"

[just_hex]

"To a Betazoid, it is," he nodded, his voice gentle.

"Or we can speak of other things. Sometimes contemplation goes nowhere," he offered.

[alcuin]

"Oh Hex," Alcuin said, "I don't want you to have to feel this, too." Then he added, "Though either way perhaps we should ah, get you some pants first."

[just_hex]

That earned him a quizzical glance.

"I've never known it to bother you," he said cautiously.

[alcuin]

Alcuin blinked at him, not sure if Hex meant Alcuin being bothered by Hex feeling Alcuin's feelings, or Alcuin being bothered by Hex's nudity.

"I ah... I'm only thinking of your comfort," he said awkwardly. Which was true either way.

[just_hex]

"I think, mate, you should worry for your comfort," he said gently.

He let himself reach out, not to share, only to sense.

Then, without a word, he carefully pulled the shirt off and wrapped it round his waist. A quick tuck and roll and it was secure enough to walk.

"Better," he declared.

[alcuin]

Alcuin felt a touch embarrassed. "Hex, it's not you, really. Not at all."

[just_hex]

"I am, sadly, well aware," he said gently.

His smile was as kind as his tone.

"I'm here if you need, otherwise, why don't we walk back together. No one should really go off alone. I tell Nyx all the time," he said.

[alcuin]

Alcuin felt like he needed to ask. To know how much he knew. "Have you, um." What, read his mind?

His voice became small. "Do you know?"

[just_hex]

"Do I know that specific flavor of pain? Like licking a battery, yeah? I know it enough to know to back off," he answered.

[alcuin]

Alcuin is still. "I - I just - " He swallowed. "It was only last night."

[just_hex]

"I understand," he nodded. "It's normal to want to take some time for yourself. Also, normal to not want to be alone. Do you have someone? I've seen you with Doctor Lecter..."

He didn't mean to insinuate, but Hex simply couldn't shut it off all the time. That was exhausting.

[alcuin]

Alcuin hesitated, and then admitted quietly, "Hannibal and I are... we're together, yes. I told him, last night after it happened. He did help, I just had hoped not to burden him with something like that."

[just_hex]

"Loving someone at their weakest and most vulnerable is never a burden, Alcuin," Hex told him, gently and cautiously pressing a warm palm to the young man's marque.

[alcuin]

"I don't want to be weak," Alcuin said, taking a breath. "I shouldn't... I'm just angry at myself, is all. It's not Hannibal's fault. He was wonderful."

[just_hex]

"May I ask why you feel you should turn your hurt inward?" he asked.

Hex paused.

"Is the anger a sort of harm to replace what your D'Angeline blood craves?" he asked, knowing enough of Alcuin's kind to know to tread very lightly. Too many in the galaxy didn't understand what a gift love could be and violence.

[alcuin]

Alcuin went still again. "I... I don't entirely know," he admitted. "I just know that I wish I had acted differently. That I had been stronger. But I suppose perhapsI'm doing a bit of... self flagellation."

[just_hex]

"You are," Hex nodded.

"I wouldn't recommend it to everyone. Anyone, really, but if you and Dr. Lecter are...close...he could help you externalize. Rather than internalize," he suggested as subtly as he could.

[alcuin]

"Oh, I..." Alcuin looked a bit embarrassed. "I don't know if now is the time for that. I don't want to burden him further."

[just_hex]

"Burden him with...what? Exactly?" he asked, genuinely curious.

[alcuin]

"I just... when I feel like this I worry that my desires might go too far," Alcuin said quietly. "I don't think he wants to hurt me."

[just_hex]

"I think, given the opportunity to help you, Dr. Lecter wouldn't be...squeamish," he replied. "And I don't think he'd hurt your heart. If you ask me, I think he's rather fond of your heart, yeah?"

He offered Alcuin a kind smile then.

"I do truly try not to notice, but sometimes...it's unavoidable."

[alcuin]

“You can feel it?” Alcuin said. “Love? Between others? That… seems like quite a useful talent.”

[just_hex]

"Not really. For many, love is pain. Love is longing," he said. "I enjoy being around happy lovers. New love is always warm."

[alcuin]

“Hannibal and I are new love ,” Alcuin said after a moment. “Just… complicated.”