Hex
The day after his... encounter with Dillan Jacoby, Alcuin still felt... something. He wasn't even sure what he felt. Hannibal had helped, he really had. And ultimately Alcuin was glad he'd told him, even though he very much hadn't wanted to.
He just felt so many things. Violated, yes. And angry. But in all honesty the anger at himself was perhaps more profound than the anger at Jacoby.
Also somewhere in there was a sense of comfort and relief at what he truly did believe was Hannibal's unconditional love.
The jumble of emotions were enough though to make him want to be alone. So he went back out to the lake, and just sat there staring at the horizon, his feet in the water.
He just felt so many things. Violated, yes. And angry. But in all honesty the anger at himself was perhaps more profound than the anger at Jacoby.
Also somewhere in there was a sense of comfort and relief at what he truly did believe was Hannibal's unconditional love.
The jumble of emotions were enough though to make him want to be alone. So he went back out to the lake, and just sat there staring at the horizon, his feet in the water.
no subject
Water splashed everywhere.
And then he screamed sharply and punched the air as he found his footing.
"All the way! One go!" he shouted. "Yes!"
He was confident he was alone...and shrieked when he saw Alcuin.
no subject
"Oh, ah... ah, hello, Hex," he managed, the burst of fear mingling with the previous scramble of emotions.
no subject
"Fucking hell, man, what are you doing out here alone?" he asked, shocked and a bit embarrassed.
The water was cold, but his hands covered himself out of modesty. Certainly not because the water was very cold.
The water was,/i> cold, though, and Hex began to trudge ashore.
"You scared the soul out of me," he huffed.
no subject
no subject
It wasn't until he was ashore and he shook violently to get the water off.
A moment later, Hex realized his mistake. The realization washed over his face in slow motion as he looked at himself, the pond, the point where he'd jumped in, and how far it was to walk back. Or swim back.
He began to shiver.
"Shit," he muttered.
no subject
no subject
Hex lifted his arm and pointed to the opposite shore.
"Over there," he admitted.
Hex took a deep breath and sighed heavily.
"I'm sorry I startled you," he said then, looking over at Alcuin with a sweet, apologetic smile.
no subject
"Perhaps I could... go get you some clothes?" he offered. "It's not that far back from camp. Though you do look - very cold, could I - " And he pulled off his shirt and held it out to Hex.
no subject
Hex took it, studied it a moment, then pulled it on to at least be a bit warmer. It clung to his body.
"Thanks," he smiled.
"I'll wash it up and give it back in a bit, yeah?" he said, then turned to see if there was a path that might take him back.
no subject
no subject
"How kind, but no. I interrupted your contemplation. Don't let me ruin your day even more," he protested.
no subject
no subject
Hex was so used to gleaning nothing from Nyx that sometimes he wasn't prepared for othe people's emotions. On the station he had meditated and practiced to keep things out.
He couldn't keep Alcuin's pain out, though.
"Would you like to talk?" he offered?
no subject
no subject
"To a Betazoid, it is," he nodded, his voice gentle.
"Or we can speak of other things. Sometimes contemplation goes nowhere," he offered.
no subject
no subject
That earned him a quizzical glance.
"I've never known it to bother you," he said cautiously.
no subject
"I ah... I'm only thinking of your comfort," he said awkwardly. Which was true either way.
no subject
"I think, mate, you should worry for your comfort," he said gently.
He let himself reach out, not to share, only to sense.
Then, without a word, he carefully pulled the shirt off and wrapped it round his waist. A quick tuck and roll and it was secure enough to walk.
"Better," he declared.
no subject
no subject
"I am, sadly, well aware," he said gently.
His smile was as kind as his tone.
"I'm here if you need, otherwise, why don't we walk back together. No one should really go off alone. I tell Nyx all the time," he said.
no subject
His voice became small. "Do you know?"
no subject
"Do I know that specific flavor of pain? Like licking a battery, yeah? I know it enough to know to back off," he answered.
no subject
no subject
"I understand," he nodded. "It's normal to want to take some time for yourself. Also, normal to not want to be alone. Do you have someone? I've seen you with Doctor Lecter..."
He didn't mean to insinuate, but Hex simply couldn't shut it off all the time. That was exhausting.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
Hex paused.
"Is the anger a sort of harm to replace what your D'Angeline blood craves?" he asked, knowing enough of Alcuin's kind to know to tread very lightly. Too many in the galaxy didn't understand what a gift love could be and violence.
no subject
no subject
"I wouldn't recommend it to everyone. Anyone, really, but if you and Dr. Lecter are...close...he could help you externalize. Rather than internalize," he suggested as subtly as he could.
no subject
no subject
no subject
no subject
"I think, given the opportunity to help you, Dr. Lecter wouldn't be...squeamish," he replied. "And I don't think he'd hurt your heart. If you ask me, I think he's rather fond of your heart, yeah?"
He offered Alcuin a kind smile then.
"I do truly try not to notice, but sometimes...it's unavoidable."
no subject
no subject
"Not really. For many, love is pain. Love is longing," he said. "I enjoy being around happy lovers. New love is always warm."
no subject