Aaron

[alcuin]

When Alcuin had gotten a second phone, aware now that Hannibal was using his to track his location, he'd given Aaron the number. And it was on that one that Aaron had texted him to check in on him, and suggested he come to tea.

Alcuin left his other phone in his room at the brothel, and quietly slipped out one evening, and went to the chapel. He felt anxious, still. Guilty. But he did feel better than the last time he'd been here.

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[quitollis]

Aaron held him, silent for a moment, as if not wanting to ruin the moment.

"Can you... stay for the night?" He asked carefully.

[alcuin]

Alcuin stiffened a little. “I… I don’t know if I should…”

[quitollis]

Aaron mentally chided himself. "No, of course. Forgive me. It was unfair to ask."

[alcuin]

"No... no, don't, it was a very reasonable question..."

And it was, it really was. It wasn't Aaron's fault, but Alcuin felt as if he were on the verge of tears.

[quitollis]

"I won't ask you for anything you can't give," Aaron assured him.

[alcuin]

It wasn't just that. Alcuin curled up against him, not looking at him. "I don't regret this. I just... I'm a mess. I feel like I'm a terrible person."

[quitollis]

"Well, that's definitely not what I was aiming for..." Aaron said, gently, and hugged him. "You're not a bad person. You just... can't dictate your emotions. No one can, I suppose."

[alcuin]

"You definitely can't," Alcuin mumbled. "If you could, you wouldn't want to have feelings for me."

He was so confused, because he was also feeling guilty for betraying Hannibal. Even though intellectually he knew he shouldn't.

[quitollis]

That was quite hurtful, but Aaron didn't take the bait. "I imagine the same goes for you."

[alcuin]

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that to be hurtful to you," Alcuin said quietly, and forced himself to look at Aaron. "I'm also grateful. This is just hard for me, the combination of things."

[quitollis]

Aaron smiled a bit. "I'm not much of a help in the emotion department, I suppose. But... I don't regret what happened at all either," he replied.

[alcuin]

"I also just don't know what to do now," Alcuin confessed quietly.

[quitollis]

"... I can't help you with that," Aaron replied. "I'm biased." Stay, here, don't go away.

[alcuin]

Alcuin heard that clearly enough.

"What about Kersen?"

It was easier to deflect than face his own issues.

[quitollis]

"What about Kersen?" Aaron asked, unsure. "We've made no promises of fidelity. I very much doubt he would want that."

[alcuin]

“Oh… of course,” Alcuin said quickly. “I um. Didn’t know how serious it was. I suppose you did say it was just… fun.”

[quitollis]

What had Alcuin picked up on? Aaron was very much trying to keep Kersen out of his mind right now, but... perhaps some things slipped through the cracks. Things he wasn't really admitting to himself because he was sure that Kersen saw it as a 'friends with benefits' situation.

"Look, it's all a bit of a jumble for me as well. I don't know which of my thoughts to trust. The only one I'm fairly sure on is what I feel about you. That hasn't subsided with time, or absence. I still feel the same. What you do with that, is entirely up to you."

[alcuin]

Alcuin wondered what Kersen would say about it. But he didn't ask, and didn't comment on what he heard in Aaron's thoughts.

"I truly do feel honored to have your heart," he said softly after a moment. "I can't say I understand why, but it's an honor."

[quitollis]

"Well, I don't know why either," Aaron said. "Possibly, your beauty, your wits, your smile, your kindness... I'll stop."

[alcuin]

Alcuin ducked his head a little, smiling. "You're very kind, Aaron." And forgiving. "I'm grateful."

[quitollis]

Aaron took that with a silent nod.

"Stay as long as you want. Don't feel bad for leaving when you do." He decided.

Life was definitely simpler when it was all just sex.