Hannibal

[alcuin]

Alcuin had never done this before, and he realized that it might be a bad idea when one of the girls who worked at the brothel talked to him for a few minutes, then gave the person working the bar a Look and then went down the hallway in the direction of Hannibal's office. Where she informed him that Alcuin had been drinking gin martinis at a steady clip for the last hour.

... he really should have gone somewhere else. Or just gotten a bottle of gin and brought it to his room.

When he heard Hannibal's familiar footfalls behind him he said without looking, "I truly hope you're not here to scold me."

Comments

[alcuin]

“He isn’t hurting me,” Alcuin insisted, though something in the protest rang hollow even for him. “I mean, no relationship is perfect… and I’m here aren’t I? That’s um. Agency.” Even though he’d already thought several times how much Hannibal would not like this.

[quitollis]

Aaron could not read minds, but he did read between the lines. "But he doesn't know you're here. He only knows you left, upset."

[alcuin]

"I've never done that before," Alcuin confessed. "I was angry. He didn't seem to understand why I was upset, and I certainly didn't want to fuck someone when--" He stopped, face going red. "That sounds terrible."

[quitollis]

Aaron was not a therapist, only a listener of sins. "Don't worry about language, I'm used to a lot. You didn't want to fuck someone while you were upset."

[alcuin]

"Not the language, I just... that makes it sound like Hannibal is my pimp. That's not, um. He would never force me. I only sleep with people to... get information. And I don't mind. I'm good at it."

[quitollis]

"But he tells you who?" Aaron tried to say without judgement

[alcuin]

“Well, yes but… I mean, we discuss…” Alcuin’s voice trailed off. “I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t want to. I didn’t tonight.”

[quitollis]

"That's good," Aaron said. "And... no repercussions?" He asked carefully.

[alcuin]

“I um, can’t imagine what they would be,” Alcuin said awkwardly. “Though I don’t like disappointing him. I imagine he found my exit… rude.”

[quitollis]

"Rude?" Aaron asked. That didn't sound like a caring lover at all.

[alcuin]

"He puts great value in good manners," Alcuin said. "It was not exactly a graceful exit on my part. I was angry."

[quitollis]

Aaron did not see much love here, but he was aware that his view was biased. He still felt something for Alcuin - or the fantasy of him, at least.

"Can you go home tonight?" He asked.

[alcuin]

"Well, I... sure," Alcuin said, but in all honesty he didn't want to.

[quitollis]

"Will you?" Aaron asked.

[alcuin]

Alcuin hesitated. "I suppose so." He managed a small smile. "I promise I will not spend the night crying on a curb."

[quitollis]

"Well... you're free to stay here, if you prefer," Aaron suggested. "I'll take the couch," he hastened to add.

[alcuin]

Alcuin hesitated as he calculated possibilities. What would Hannibal think if he didn’t come back tonight? Though also what would happen if he did? And he also truly didn’t think he deserved Aaron’s kindness.

“I can’t put you out more,” he said.

[quitollis]

"Well, find a place, then. You'll learn more about yourself standing on your own two feet," Aaron suggested, carefully. But if he went back to that Hannibal... then it would be clear he had no agency at all.

[alcuin]

"What like, get a hotel?" Alcuin frowned. "I wasn't - I wasn't trying to run away. It's not like I'm leaving him, I just... I was upset. Doesn't this happen sometimes? In relationships?"

[quitollis]

"Sure," Aaron replied, gentle still. "It was you who said you were unsure who you were. I think that's worth finding out."

[alcuin]

"I don't... my intention wasn't to blow my life up," Alcuin said awkwardly. "I should talk to him."

[quitollis]

"Perhaps you should," Aaron said.

[alcuin]

Alcuin was quiet for a moment and then said, "Perhaps I should wait until morning, though." Pause. "Especially since I don't know what I want to say."

[quitollis]

Good, Aaron thought. "Take your time. And... you can tell me anything. I'll treat it as confession. By which I mean I'll keep it confidential."

[alcuin]

"I know you said you're not judging me," said Alcuin, "but I... it's hard to believe that. Especially given our history. And I can't help but care about that. What you think of me."